I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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