To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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