yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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