It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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