I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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