I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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