my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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