Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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