two words: eviction party
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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