that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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