You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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