i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
