i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
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She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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