It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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