I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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