If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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