sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize