Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize