I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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