Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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