at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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