gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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