so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
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How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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