He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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