after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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