i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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