I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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