You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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