Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize