well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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