she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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