STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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