Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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