U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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