had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize