i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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