does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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