i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize