i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize