she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize