So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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