I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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