she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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