i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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