did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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