I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize