I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I look better un-naked...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize