When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
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It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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