I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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