If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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