Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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